Can I get an amAn?

One of the many, many things that I’ve learned from online dating is that men are raised to believe they’re gods, and women are raised to believe they’re garbage. Ok I know that sounds harsh but it’s kiiind of true. From the time we’re very little, boys are taught that they can be leaders and power players and even president, while girls are taught that they can be pretty and submissive and if they’re lucky, they can be the wife of a leader or power player or president. I do see how things are changing and children are being treated more equally which is amazing and about time, but I can only speak from my own experience. When I was growing up my mother was far more concerned with who I would marry than what I might do with my career. She was a product of her upbringing and environment and I was a product of her. I know not every female had the same experience and fucking good for you if you didn’t, but this is how it went for me.

But seriously you should see the criteria that some men have for the women they date. I’ve lost count of how many guys have actually said they’re looking for a “unicorn”. Sometimes couples look for a unicorn (single female) to join them in the bedroom, but this is not that, these men are just looking for the perfect woman. Trouble is that they are not perfect but you’d never know it from the level of confidence they possess. Some of them have laundry lists of how their woman should look, eat, be groomed, etc and I’m over here just like “don’t wear crocs or have crumbs in your butter and we’re good” (obviously I need higher standards but I digress).

To be fair, I love men. I’ve met some amaaazing men and actually call a few of them friends. They are smart and confident and kind and I adore them. They also don’t expect me to be anything but exactly who I am and that’s incredibly refreshing. What a turn on to be accepted for just being yourself. When expectations creep in to any relationship, new or old, that’s when things get tricky and the shift in the dynamic isn’t always a positive one.

Of course we need to have standards and be attracted to the people we date, but for a man to assume that a woman should be catwalk-ready when he is barely boardwalk-ready is a little fucked up right? I’m not exaggerating when I say that when I’m walking in Santa Monica (which is every single week), I see women who are dressed either for the red carpet or at least a very nice cocktail party on the arms of men who are literally wearing torn jeans and flip flops. Would it be acceptable if those roles were reversed? Would it be ok if the woman wore sweats while the guy dons a nice suit? I think no is the answer. That guy knows without a doubt that it’s ok for him to wear what he wants and that woman knows without a doubt that she better wear heels lol.

I think I just want men to expect as much of themselves as they do of women. And I want women to believe that they deserve a partner that accepts them unconditionally. And I want us all to be able to wear onesies to dinner without judgment.

6 thoughts on “Can I get an amAn?”

  1. Thank you for putting out some truth is women could all stand to hear!! I know not every man is this way or every dating experience even. But the sad truth is that the majority of both men and the dating experience with men are. I’ve been someone’s unicorn for the majority of my dating life and I’ve finally realized that all that particular man wanted to do was put me up on a pedestal to adore me only to become severely insecure, crippled with self doubt, which led to eventually backing out of the relationship because they realized they “weren’t ready” or needed to “work on themselves” before committing further. Don’t you think based on your thoughts above, that society perpetuates this whole idea of women having to be a man’s fantasy? And think about it; if a fantasy is so great it’s essentially unreal; isn’t the whole dating dynamic set up for failure??

    Those are my two cents based on yours. Keen ‘em coming!! I’ll be reading!!

    1. Exactly! The pressure to be a perfect unicorn doesn’t just start with some dude, it starts from a very early age of seeing what we’re “supposed” to look like and reading articles on how to please men and if you’re a woman of a certain age (us lol), then our mothers come from a time when being a sweet, submissive housewife was not only the expected norm, it was the dream. Oy. We are set up to fail from the start but I do think if we stand our ground and demand respect then the right men will see the perfect in the imperfect and we all might get a little closer to mutual happiness ☺️

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