Vertigoing…going…gone

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Between starting and finishing the newest season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel in record time and dealing with an episode of vertigo, it’s been quite the busy week for me. Have you ever had vertigo? It’s awful. I literally just rolled over in bed and in that split second my brain felt like it had been dropped into a blender. The room started spinning so fast that everything was blurry and I was just hanging on for dear life, trying not to fall off the earth. I tried to stay calm and talk myself out of panicking but that’s difficult to do when you’re on an out of control merry-go-round that’s spinning a hundred miles an hour. Eventually it slowed down but never came to a complete stop (and still hasn’t). My best friend has had vertigo and thankfully knew the maneuvers to help get the crystals back in place. If you ever get vertigo and are unsure of what to do, look up the Epley maneuver and give that a shot. Had my friend not known about it, I would’ve been in a bad way until I eventually made it to a doctor. Shout out to best friends who always come through in a pinch, or, more precisely, in a spin. 

{And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming}

There is no shortage when it comes to topics I’d love to cover in this blog o’ mine. I want to talk about love and other illnesses, the unlikely animal friendships that are almost too adorable to handle, mental health, relationships, how relationships affect mental health and vice versa, sex, religion, how religion affects sex and vice versa, and so.many.more. *There is so much time and so little to discuss. Strike that, reverse it.

But on this particular day, with my head feeling a little loopy and my spirit feeling a little low, I realize that these things are life’s reminders that balance is what matters most. And when the universe knocks us off balance, it’s just trying to remind us of that. I’m generally a very happy person with few complaints. I live where I want to live, do what I’m most passionate about for a living, and surround myself with some amazing people who happen to be graciously forgiving of my shortcomings. But I’ve gotten complacent in certain areas and I think I’m being reminded that I can either evolve and make positive changes, or I can let myself atrophy and wither and die a slow, agonizing death (cue the tiny violins). 

Vertigo was just one of a few “in-my-face” wake up calls. The feeling of being completely out of control of my body and mind was jarring and painful. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Then I was knocked off balance again a few days later. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say that the stairs won and leave it at that. Before either of those things happened though, I was knocked off balance emotionally and that’s always the one that has the greatest impact. I think we can all relate. Someone close to you says something that hits a nerve and makes you feel about an inch tall. Maybe this is what made me feel vulnerable and opened the doors for those other events to happen, I don’t really know. But the WORST thing to happen was when I tried to whistle and realized I couldn’t. What the foop? Who loses their ability to whistle?? And when I admitted this to a couple of friends, you know what they did? They whistled. Like that would help restore my powers. Lol you know who you are and I love you anyway, even though you whistle-bragged in my face. 

In any case, I’ve been on a journey of discovery (facepalm I know) for a long time now, and one of the discoveries has been that if I don’t learn the lesson I’m supposed to learn this time, I will undoubtedly manifest a similar situation and another one and another one until I stop being stubborn and just learn the freaking lesson. Looks like my newest discovery might be that something in my life is out of balance and if I don’t right the ship, I’ll go down with it. The universe whispers, then it gets louder, then it gives you vertigo, then it pushes you down stairs. Rude, amiright? If I had addressed some things differently, would I be feeling the way I am now? But ughh addressing things is so hard to do sometimes. Like, right now I don’t really wanna take inventory and reflect on my “stuff” and level up. I just want to wallow and eat and be sad for a minute. So I’m going to do that. I’m going to give myself a moment to just feel the way I feel. And when it’s time to pull myself out of the fridge or off the floor, I’ll try and do it with some level of grace and not like a screaming child who doesn’t want to bathe, or sleep, or go to school, or do, like, anything. If I’m honest I think I resemble that child far too often. 

The vertigo is vertigone but the side effects remain and might be around for a while. But that doesn’t mean I can’t start doing the work little by little and make small, positive changes. We have to balance the good with the bad. That’s what so much of life is. Finding a way to balance on the shaky ground of this existence. And being ok with the process no matter how difficult it can be. All the work we do to level up is worth it because “we” are worth it. YOU are worth it. Find your balance and know that the tougher the situation, the greater your life will be on the other side. That’s why it’s so worth accepting the challenge. We only get to see the good stuff if we push through the hard stuff. So let’s keep pushing. Let’s find the balance we need to level up and live the shit out of this life.

*I frequently reference films. This paraphrases Mr. Wonka himself. If you don’t get my references, chances are you’re too young to be reading this so get off my lawn and go to bed!